It’s time to start writing some healing words about the sad event of August 23rd, 2014.
I’ve been to the depths of my sorrow about the passing of my Molly Bear, but the climb out of that pit is also a journey of happy memories and crazy love for a pooch that stole my heart.
Some people say dogs are men’s best friends.
Molly was more than that.
She helped heal me and in that, I found a soul mate.
Sounds crazy to some who don’t understand the depth of a dogs goodness, but to others…
you will understand exactly what I am saying.
Molly came to me from God. No doubt about it.
We live in the middle of nowhere.
And one dawn on my way to work… I saw a dark lump in our one track dirt lane.
This lane has trees and hills on one side, and a creek on the other. There is NO going around things.
I thought this lump was a dead baby coon that someone had probably already hit. To be on the safe side, however, I stopped my Expedition and climbed out into the valley where the lane runs…and walked over to where this “lump” lay..
Let me stop here for a moment.
I have some history here you need to understand..ok.. you may not understand, and that’s ok..but hearing it will help you “get” my frame of mind, at this time, in my life.
I hadn’t been on this land long. MId June and it was now late October.
And the pain of my journey up until now, up until this place that gave me hope for healing and promise of love and acceptance… was still very very raw.
I was on my way to a love of a lifetime,
but I needed to heal from an insignificance that tried to define me, or destroy me…
I felt abandoned by family, forgotten by friends, and lost without my children…
but decisions… that led me to the happiest place in my life, where I am now loved beyond measure by my husband,and where I have come to find a peace from God that passes all understanding…
were decisions that left scars and hurt and pain…
Now, in late October… I was a mess.
“IT’S A PUPPPPPPYYYYYY”, I exclaimed to the woods and that babbling creek…
She looked up to me with those sweet brown eyes I would come to adore, and whimpered… slowly scooting her terrified little 5 week old self … toward my feet.
I was instantly in love.
I scooped this baby up and cried into her fluffy fur.
“Who would have left you, here , in the middle of nowhere, little Honey Bear?”
and then I heard the whisper in my heart…
“I did” … from God.
Quiet tears continued to slide onto her little neck and back… and I cuddled her close and claimed..
“you are mine”
Getting back in the truck I didn’t care that I might be late for work .
I didn’t care that I had no where to turn around and had to carefully back down the lane from where I had come.
I had a puppy.
A God given puppy.
A puppy that was going to hear my every ache, every joy, every sorrow, every happiness,
Get soaked by tears
and cuddled until she would gently try to squirm away.
A puppy who wouldn’t care my faults,
who wouldn’t judge me my failures, and
who wouldn’t evaluate my goodness
or try to define my worthiness.
She was just going to love me…
she was just going to rejoice in every moment I gave her…
she was going to delight in my presence and be ridiculously glad I was in her life.
She was going to become a confidante.
My Champion, supporter, friend, a listener, and guardian angel.
She took everything I ever said to her..and listened
and adored me.
She wanted to please constantly and was a great High Fiver!!
It didn’t matter if I had left the room for 5 seconds… she was glad when I came back.
This dog was more than a dog…wanting a meal and a good game of fetch…
She was more than family… I have lived a life where at times, family have hurt me in unmentionable ways…
She was more than a friend…who, sometimes turn on you.. or betray…
She was an extension of me. She was the container of all my secrets.
The receptacle of many tears and
The observer of my moods… know just when to come place her head in my lap.
I could cuddle her and hug and her and she’d never try to leave.
She was Good.
That is all. Just Good.
And she helped heal me.
And the sweetest Bear you would ever want to meet! 🙂
So joyful, and had eyes that looked at you- really looked at you-
and was also grateful YOU were in HER life.
Your 9 years here were too short, but you did exactly what you were sent to do…
and that is…
and display to me…
the kind of human I want to be…
One that would honor the memory of a good dog, by
being all that good dog got to be.
Ah, the pain is raw again..
Because the loss is great…
But I know you’re in a better place, Girl.
Thank you for helping to heal me.
Thank you for love and devotion.
For listening to every ridiculous word.
For wiping every dropped tear.
For enjoying your life, no matter what …
and teaching me.. to enjoy mine.
It will never be taken for granted or forgotten.
Your place in my heart is one of a kind…